Breaking News: Drexel RAs overwhelmingly vote to form union with 63-4 resultBreaking News: Drexel RAs overwhelmingly vote to form union with 63-4 result
Horoscopes: May 29-June 5 | The Triangle
Comics

Horoscopes: May 29-June 5

Your week at a glance…

Aries

On Tuesday, you will get a faint feeling that can only be reminiscent of the moments leading up to taking the Fitness Pacer Test. 

 

Leo

You will run out of toilet paper at the most inopportune time.

 

Cancer

On Wednesday, you will receive and ignore an old-fashioned chain email. You will forget about it until Friday night, when you will begin to have rotten luck for the next seventeen years. So long, glory days!

 

Pisces

This week, you will have the honor of having a seventh grader write a Wattpad fanfiction about your life.

 

Scorpio

Your week ahead can only be described as “chaotic evil.” 

 

Taurus

On Friday, you will have a vivid dream that the past two months were fake, and you will awaken the next day thinking it was real life. How sad. 

 

Sagittarius

You will be haunted by an image from your past of the puberty variety all day on Monday.

 

Gemini

In passing, a stranger will tell you you have “crab hands,” and you will spend the rest of your Thursday thinking about it. 

 

Virgo

On Tuesday, your mother will “accidentally” stumble upon your diary. She will relentlessly ask you who a “plug” is. 

 

Libra

By no choice of your own, a psychic will eat up your Friday predicting that your most trusted prophet will come to be your therapist.

 

Capricorn

On Wednesday, you will stub your toe on every doorframe of your house.

 

Aquarius

You will be convicted of being a “huge gossip” by your father on Friday. He will tell you this as he whispers about “Lou from work being a huge stinker.”