Ask Ethel: ‘Anxious Alice’ | The Triangle

Ask Ethel: ‘Anxious Alice’

Dear Ethel,

I am overwhelmed with nerves. My man, precious as ever, has requested that I clear my schedule this weekend so that we may have a romantic evening via Zoom. I simply am at a loss of what to do to romance my fella! I want it to be really special, something he’ll never forget. What should I do, Ethel?

A million thanks,

Anxious Alice



Anxious Alice,

Now, I’m no stranger to romancing under strange circumstances. I’ve done it all. What I’ve found to be the much needed spice to any sort of long-distant relationship is role-playing. I know, how did you not think of that! Perhaps it is your own insecurity. No matter, happens to the best of us. Anyway, it is pertinent that you really become invested in your character and the situation. Get creative! Use the space with which you are blessed. Light some candles, burn some sage, harness the atmospheric tone. Now, I know what you must be thinking: “Ethel, this is the best advice I’ve ever heard, but what persona am I to take on?” Relax, my dove. In all my years (and let’s just say I need more than just my hands to count them!) I’ve found that the sexiest, most romantic scenario into which any two human beings can be flung is in the throes of civil unrest. Yes, that’s right. Nothing will get your man hotter than mortal combat. Specifically, I’ve found great success in reliving The Battle of the Bulge. Let’s just say, it wasn’t really named after a German war strategy! So, dust off your boots, fill up your canteen and find romance in the mortality of your forefathers.

You’re welcome eternally,