Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of the year again.
That time of the year where love is commercialized to the billionth power, a holiday built from the foundation of death that ended up becoming a holiday of love. The third most commercialized holiday in history, in my book, behind Christmas and Easter. The ultimate death of decency in this world as lovers clamp lips like there’s no tomorrow.
I am, of course, talking about the awful pox known to all the world as Valentine’s Day, also known as, “We’re Dating, Suckers. Where’s Your Significant Other?”
As a man who has been single his entire life and as someone who has, on every Valentine’s Day, watched as everybody else received valentines and affection, I can honestly say that this holiday is probably one of the worst.
Why does it suck for those who are single? Well, many reasons.
First, when you go into the confectionary stores and buy candy, the first thing the cashier will ask as you’re purchasing the candy is “excuse me, do you want this gift wrapped?” This question is, to the average person, a very innocent one, especially on Valentine’s Day. However, to the average single person, it is beyond hell. The cashier might as well ask whether or not the person is single. Gift wrapped means they aren’t, while not refusing it means that they are.
Second, the public interaction. I am, in a group of a few guys, the only one who is single. I have witnessed the kissing, the hugging, and have nearly had to stop people before they got a little too crazy. Yes, I am a fan of public affection; however, Valentine’s Day has slowly become an excuse to overdo it.
Third, when was the last time you wanted to shop for something, only to find that the price is just way more expensive because, big shock, Valentine’s Day has increased the demand on something as simple as a Hershey’s Kiss! You want to go home and simply enjoy your Hershey’s Kisses, but no, Valentine’s Day had to roll in and rain on your parade, simply because store owners have decided that you can only enjoy buying expensive gifts for your significant other and enjoy a nice day hugging and kissing to your heart’s content.
If anybody is reading this and is single, then I hope you understand and recognize the plight and sheer annoyance. It is something we all are forced to go through. To those dating, I respect how you are able to get through such a day unscathed. Your love of relationships and of your significant other are unparalleled, and I salute you.
Just, do me a favor, if on Valentine’s Day, you decide to get lovey-dovey, please do it far away from me.