How do you know when it’s time to let things go? My boyfriend and I have been fighting pretty much nonstop for the last few weeks, and I’m sick of it. The trouble is that I love him a lot, and when we aren’t fighting, everything’s good. I wish things would be better between us, sort of like how they were in the beginning. I really do want to be with him, but I can’t keep fighting all the time — it’s driving me crazy! Sometimes I feel like the relationship is not worth it anymore because all we do is fight; other times I feel super happy with him. I’m very confused —what should I do?
Oh, dear. This is a toughie. What needs to happen is a long, honest talk between the two of you in which you both let out your frustrations with the relationship. Constantly fighting with one another is a symptom of a bigger problem, not the problem itself. You both need to talk about what it is that is bothering you in the relationship, and you both need to be completely honest about whether or not you really want to be together. You may learn something not only about him but also about yourself. Maybe you start fights with him because it’s the only time you feel that you have his attention. Maybe you are subconsciously pushing him away for some reason, or maybe he’s doing the same. Whatever the case is, find out what is underlying all these fights, and work out if this relationship is right for you or not.
I’d advise not seeing each other for a few days before you do have this conversation. This will give the two of you time to calm down from your most recent argument and will allow the two of you to gather your thoughts. Take the time to think seriously about this relationship and what it is that you like and dislike about it. Think about the ways that you two are compatible and the ways you aren’t. Come to the table calm, cool and collected. Hear what he has to say without getting angry, and expect the same from him. Be open and honest, and things will end up as they should.
If you really do love him and the two of you want to work things out and be together, you’ve got more than a shot at salvaging this. My last piece of advice would be to make sure that you don’t have this relationship-evaluating conversation at either your place or his. Pick a neutral, quiet spot that isn’t public and doesn’t have any emotional value for either of you. That way, there are fewer distractions and less of a chance of a place being ‘soured’ for either of you. A neutral location will also help the situation to be less awkward in case this talk takes a turn for the ‘I don’t think we should be together.’
Be calm, be mindful of your boyfriend’s feelings (don’t intentionally try to hurt him), and be honest with both him and yourself — it’s the only way to make sure things end up for the better.
Wishing you the best of luck,
This is pretty random, but hopefully you can help me. The last hour at work (I’m on co-op) always drags and drags. It’s the longest hour of the day, and I’m not productive during it (really, who is?). I was wondering if you had any ways to make this hour less brutal (i.e., boring and pointless). Thanks.
Ah, that last hour of the day. It sucks, doesn’t it? But there are plenty of ways to make it better. For one thing, you could take the time to organize tasks you have to do the next day. This way you’re still doing ‘work,’ but you don’t feel the weight of projects compounded with the impending end of the day. Another thing you might try is organizing your workstation. I know firsthand how messy a desk can get during the day, and taking the time to organize it should kill a decent amount of time. Go through the stacks of papers on your desk and figure out what can go and what can’t. Make a list of supplies that need to be restocked.
Alternatively, you could always ask your boss if they have a sort of side project they’ve been meaning to do. Maybe they want the supply closet organized but haven’t gotten around to it. Maybe they’ve been meaning to put in a few work orders but are too busy to do them during the day. Offer to do small jobs like these — they’ll pass time, and you’ll impress your employer with your initiative.
Check your employee handbook and see if you have 15-minute breaks during the day. Plenty of jobs that last eight hours a day (like the typical office job) have 15-minute breaks allotted to employees (it could be one or two). Utilize breaks if you have them; take a walk if the weather is nice, or reward yourself for almost ending the day with a treat from the cafe downstairs. Get some air. Regroup. You’ll feel much more energized, and the time will seem to go faster.
Hope that helps!