The Ivy League is known for excellence and distinction. Harvard has an excellent medical school. Yale has the best law school. Princeton is renowned for public policy. And our neighbors at the University of Pennsylvania? Well, they seem to be churning out some world-famous criminals.
Two particular alumni have gotten much attention lately. Luigi Mangione, who is accused of assassinating UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, and Donald Trump, who was convicted of falsifying business records to hide hush money payments. Strangely enough, both crimes occurred in New York City. Is UPenn really doing enough to give back to the Philadelphia community?
We should at least give credit to the UPenn admissions team for political diversity. Mangione has many liberal supporters who condemn the health insurance industry, while Trump has many conservative supporters who believe in his masculinity. Truly, it is a masterclass in balancing the extremes for the greater good of the endowment.
Despite what their background check might say, the country worships them as much as they worship UPenn’s Ivy League status. Luigi Mangione, who is aggressively Italian, was caught because he lowered his mask to flirt with a hostel worker, talk about something TikTok would swoon over. Since then, the internet has been in collective agreement about him: smash. If he represents all UPenn computer science kids, Drexel students should try looking for a valentine at UPenn.
While Trump is popular enough to win the popular vote, he better embodies another UPenn trait: goal-oriented yet careless planning. All it takes to lead the country is to have “concepts of a plan” and show off American might by renaming the Gulf of Mexico. We shall see if Mangione has had the time to make a concept of a plan for his defense as he waits in jail.
Trump is also proving himself to be a valuable connection for other UPenn alumni. His new best friend, Elon Musk, is another UPenn graduate with some run-ins with the law. Race discrimination, gender discrimination, age discrimination, false advertising, wrongful death, sexual harassment, environmental violations and wrongful termination… it’s like Elon pressed a “collect all” button for crimes. Additional UPenn alumni include Wharton graduate Michael Milken who was convicted of racketeering and fraud, Stephen Glass who fabricated over half his publications in The New Republic and Ashik Desai who was charged with a $1 billion fraud scheme. Perhaps they have taken their school’s motto to heart… “leges vanae sine moribus”, which translates to “law useless” and “without morals.”
No wonder UPenn needs one of the largest college police departments with a budget of over $27 million. After all, Penn students need some internships, so why not take advantage of what their school has to offer and do a prison internship?