Terrible film will leave you impotent, blind
Too Real For Real
Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 10/15/04 Section: Entertainment
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Lost Reality is an hour-long movie made up of clips from reality TV shows that were never aired. A pilot for each show was produced for each show, and then either not bought by anyone (for good reason) or shelved due to legal problems.
I know that, as a reader, you expect a certain amount of analysis before reaching the conclusion of an article, but let me cut to the chase: if you've seen this film, and you thought it was funny, you deserve to die. If you actually paid money to buy this film, you are now allowed to park in handicapped parking spots, because you are mentally disabled. No, let me correct that: you're less than mentally disabled. I showed this movie to several of my friends, all of whom have documentation stating that their IQs are less than forty, and at the end of it, they leaned back, nodded grimly and said "No, that's not funny at all. No siree." They then went back to talking to their pet muffins and coding in basic.
Let me elaborate: there's a reason no one ever bought these pilots. It's because they're stupid. Worse than stupid. It's as though stupidity was having a party, and invited all of his friends over, and then they got drunk and started making TV shows.
For instance, take the reality show called "Old Age Home." It's nothing but security footage from nursing homes showing patients being abused. Now, I find watching nurses ejaculating onto the food of the elderly just as hilarious as the next guy, assuming that the next guy doesn't find it funny at all. And that is why I plan to devote the rest of my life to building a time machine enabling me to travel to an hour and a half ago so that I can kill myself before seeing this film.
Here's another gem: it's called "Casting Couch," the "show where we show you that the only differences between whores and actresses is that whores get paid more." The premise is this: a disgusting fat man who has worked his whole life as a casting director puts out ads stating that he's hiring new talent. When actresses show up to audition, he rubs is sweaty jowls and, in a roundabout manner, demands they take of their clothes. The only decent thing about this show is all the hot breasts flashing about the scene, but you have to weigh that against reaction shots of Jabba the Hutt's little brother trembling and steepling his sausage-like fingers.
I know that, as a reader, you expect a certain amount of analysis before reaching the conclusion of an article, but let me cut to the chase: if you've seen this film, and you thought it was funny, you deserve to die. If you actually paid money to buy this film, you are now allowed to park in handicapped parking spots, because you are mentally disabled. No, let me correct that: you're less than mentally disabled. I showed this movie to several of my friends, all of whom have documentation stating that their IQs are less than forty, and at the end of it, they leaned back, nodded grimly and said "No, that's not funny at all. No siree." They then went back to talking to their pet muffins and coding in basic.
Let me elaborate: there's a reason no one ever bought these pilots. It's because they're stupid. Worse than stupid. It's as though stupidity was having a party, and invited all of his friends over, and then they got drunk and started making TV shows.
For instance, take the reality show called "Old Age Home." It's nothing but security footage from nursing homes showing patients being abused. Now, I find watching nurses ejaculating onto the food of the elderly just as hilarious as the next guy, assuming that the next guy doesn't find it funny at all. And that is why I plan to devote the rest of my life to building a time machine enabling me to travel to an hour and a half ago so that I can kill myself before seeing this film.
Here's another gem: it's called "Casting Couch," the "show where we show you that the only differences between whores and actresses is that whores get paid more." The premise is this: a disgusting fat man who has worked his whole life as a casting director puts out ads stating that he's hiring new talent. When actresses show up to audition, he rubs is sweaty jowls and, in a roundabout manner, demands they take of their clothes. The only decent thing about this show is all the hot breasts flashing about the scene, but you have to weigh that against reaction shots of Jabba the Hutt's little brother trembling and steepling his sausage-like fingers.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
sumit_pathak
sumit_pathak
posted 10/24/04 @ 1:25 AM EST
I dont really get the object of the story....but I like the way you use humor to accentuate your ideas
bcmgod
bcmgod
posted 7/01/05 @ 9:48 PM EST
I don't think how smart someone is really has anything to do with what they find is funny or not. I'm not a complete idiot with an IQ under 40, and I found the American Racist clips to be quite funny. (Continued…)
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