Suicide Girls show not worth killing for
Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 6/25/04 Section: Entertainment
Despite being one of the most eloquent people ever to walk the earth, I sometimes have trouble understanding the meanings of basic words. On such word is "burlesque." Up until June 18, I thought it involved food, like a smorgasbord. So when I heard that the Suicide Girls Burlesque Show was coming to the Trocadero, I jumped on the chance to go. Thus began a long night of bitter disappointment, the least of which was that there was no buffet to be had.
I should have known that the night was going to be bad as soon as it began. I bought my ticket from Ticketmaster and the wily bastards managed to sucker a total of nine and a half dollars from me. That's right; I paid almost $24 for a $14 ticket. I'll see you in hell, Ticketmaster, and I urge all of you in the strongest possible terms to avoid using their services.
Of course, this did not sour the whole evening. Plenty of overpriced events end up being fun. College, for instance, is one of them. I pay about 10 times what I ought to, but I'm having a good time. What did sour the entire evening were the terrible fumes being pumped out of the audience. I had managed to forget the cardinal rule of going to shows attended by punk-rock people: none of them wash. Also, as with every concert, there was the ubiquitous obnoxious jerk in the front. There's one at every show, and this one was a fat punk-rock guy in a skirt. Fat punk rock guy in a skirt, how I hate thee.
But punks weren't the only swine in the audience. There were several old men who, and I swear with your god as my witness that I'm not making this up, had actual genuine mirrors taped to the tops of their shoes. So there I was, trapped between perverts and punks, along with a few confused teen girls there to ogle the women to impress their skinny boyfriends and at least one emo kid who looked totally lost.
Concertgoers everywhere: you're not as attractive as you think. In fact, you're probably between 20 and 80 percent less attractive, so cover up. Put on some more deodorant while you're at it.
I should have known that the night was going to be bad as soon as it began. I bought my ticket from Ticketmaster and the wily bastards managed to sucker a total of nine and a half dollars from me. That's right; I paid almost $24 for a $14 ticket. I'll see you in hell, Ticketmaster, and I urge all of you in the strongest possible terms to avoid using their services.
Of course, this did not sour the whole evening. Plenty of overpriced events end up being fun. College, for instance, is one of them. I pay about 10 times what I ought to, but I'm having a good time. What did sour the entire evening were the terrible fumes being pumped out of the audience. I had managed to forget the cardinal rule of going to shows attended by punk-rock people: none of them wash. Also, as with every concert, there was the ubiquitous obnoxious jerk in the front. There's one at every show, and this one was a fat punk-rock guy in a skirt. Fat punk rock guy in a skirt, how I hate thee.
But punks weren't the only swine in the audience. There were several old men who, and I swear with your god as my witness that I'm not making this up, had actual genuine mirrors taped to the tops of their shoes. So there I was, trapped between perverts and punks, along with a few confused teen girls there to ogle the women to impress their skinny boyfriends and at least one emo kid who looked totally lost.
Concertgoers everywhere: you're not as attractive as you think. In fact, you're probably between 20 and 80 percent less attractive, so cover up. Put on some more deodorant while you're at it.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Erin
posted 10/28/06 @ 12:48 PM EST
Thanks for the review! I was considering going to the show, but now I know it would be a waste of my time!
clutch
posted 6/01/10 @ 4:59 PM EST
sounds like you went to the first year. i went in 2006 or 2007. much better. they did away with opening bands and moved them to after the girls show. alot of people left by then. (Continued…)
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