The Simpsons desperately deserves cancellation

By: Ian Pugh

Posted: 11/12/04

About four years ago, the first "cancel The Simpsons opinion articles were released onto online periodicals. Of course, at the time, I scoffed. That's not possible; this show is spectacular. I grew up with this show, quoting the lines from the previous night with such love and fervor, to a point where it became annoying. I steadfastly defended "Homerpalooza," one of the episodes sometimes touted as the beginning of the quality slip.

As time went on, however, I came to see their point. One of the few hilarious jokes in the past few years was the song "They'll Never Stop 'The Simpsons,'" a parody of "We Didn't Start the Fire" which essentially states that the series will continue no matter how bad it becomes. As the series nears 350 episodes and sixteen seasons, I fear that they may have been more serious than they were letting on. The Simpsons has indeed become a cartoon, as MSN Slate writer Chris Suellentrop called it more than a year ago. It now contains mind-numbingly improbable events passed off as reality - remember the racing horse jockeys who were really leprechauns? That's a far cry from the positively side-splitting status the series held as an "animated sitcom." Who's to blame for it? The writers? Producer Al Jean? "Other" producer Ian Maxtone-Graham? I can't say for sure, but one thing remains resolutely clear. This show needs to end, and fast.

The characters have become broad and bland - Homer is a gleeful ignoramus, Bart is "America's bad boy," Lisa an annoying activist. As storytelling, the series has become a joke. Often times, they waste a good ten minutes (sometimes fifteen) of an average 22-minute episode on setup alone. Worst yet, they've recycled the plots over and over again - remember that episode where Lisa became a Buddhist, much to the chagrin of everyone before they came to tolerate her preferences. Oh, and Richard Gere was there, too. All well and good - if you completely missed the episode where Lisa became a vegetarian under similar circumstances. It was a much better episode, and had incomparably better guest voices to boot (Paul and Linda McCartney).

The last few seasons become little more than an attempt to keep a firm grip onto their various Guinness records. Their title of "most guest stars on a television series" was once worn with pride, with such eclectic stars as Donald Sutherland, Peter Frampton, Ron Howard, and three of the four Beatles. Now look at the lineup from the past several years: Simon Cowell? Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Sarah Michelle Gellar? That's bad enough, but even brilliant actors like Steve Buscemi and Sir Ian McKellen are only given two lines, as if only to add to the hundreds of names to that list of guest stars! They're not even trying anymore.

Perhaps worst of all is the "topical" humor. The show has always flirted with current events, along with hilarious parodies of classic television and film - yet nothing too intrusive. Now... well, it's different. One truly awful episode from last year, "Co-Dependence Day," spends ten minutes parodying the political snorefest that is Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, complete with overlong senatorial hearings and an purposely offensive Rastafarian parody of Jar-Jar Binks. Bart and Lisa go to visit the creators of the "Cosmic Wars" series, "Randall Curtis," to personally complain. I get it! It's supposed to be like Star Wars and George Lucas! Oh, stop it, you're killing me with your hilariously relevant humor! You're only four years too late, but Lord, I'm just cracking up!

Next season doesn't promise to be any better. Homer becomes an ordained minister who marries Aunt Patty and a women's golfer in an oh-my-God-it's-so-controversial gay marriage! Mayor Quimby is forced into a - wait for it - recall election. What's next? Will Kenneth Starr serve Homer a subpoena? Saving some Martha Stewart in prison jokes for next year?

"You don't like it," some die-hard fans and pundits say, "Don't watch it!" This is a self-defeating "argument" that says nothing on the series' behalf - and contending that "It's better than [some large number] percent of television" is another uninformed statement that only serves to help perpetuate Americans as ignorant fools; television is not a mandatory medium for your entertainment needs. Now, for the most part, I have stopped watching the show, but I still check up on it... and I weep, because "The Simpsons" used to be the best television series on television, bar none. My opinion of the show as a whole has suffered; I can still watch a fourth season episode and laugh heartily, but can't help but stop to think - those were the days.

Perhaps the worst part about this is the loss of Matt Groening's other animated series, Futurama I'm just about the biggest fan of the sci-fi series that's ever lived, but even if I wasn't, it wouldn't be hard for me to crown the show superior to the current "Simpsons" in every way in its five-year lifespan. With the series-long love-hate affair between Fry and Leela, its characterization was superlative. Even with pseudo-topical humor, episodes such as the patriotism-questioning "A Taste of Freedom" are without equal. All at once, I am incredibly angry that Futurama was cancelled so early on only because of its inconvenient timeslot (often swallowed by Sunday Night Football), and yet also relieved that it was saved from the fate that its sister series has befallen.

"But it could get better," you say. Well, unfortunately, we've been saying that for four years now, which is a practical eternity when it comes to television, and a second coming seems unlikely. Luckily, more people are starting to get just how dreadful the show has become. Harry Shearer, the brilliant character actor who voices characters such as Principal Skinner and Mr. Burns, has stated that he has become dissatisfied with his role in the series, and would like to quit. I say, more power to him, because it seems the only way that the show will end is if several major voice actors are left permanently unavailable to perform. It seems unlikely, considered the exorbitant pay raises that the actors fought so hard for (now up to $250,000 per episode). No ill will is wished upon these actors - Dan Castellaneta is brilliant no matter where he goes - but, please, use your talents elsewhere.

Of course, few shows are totally without merit, and The Simpsons still manages a few laughs now and again. Furthermore, I could just shut my yap and stop watching it altogether, not even for a passing glance. But my concern is that I still proudly consider The Simpsons a part of my personal culture. It has had immeasurable impact on the artist, the critic, and the very person I am today. I am heartbroken that such an important measure of my life has been so greatly diminished over a depressingly short period of time. For the sake of my adolescent memories, please, end The Simpsons now, before the number of awful episodes outweighs the number of brilliant ones.

Ian Pugh is a junior majoring in Film and Video. The Entertainment Editor was going to write a counterpoint saying that The Simpsons should not be taken off the air, but then he saw the most recent Treehouse of Horror.